In this post: A bereaved parent spotlight with a mom who has experienced infant loss. Hear her look into child loss and how she has moved forward since that time, as well as a message for you.
A Look into Child Loss: Bereaved Parent Spotlight on Amanda Padgett of Diary of a Forgiven
Hi, Amanda! I’m so sorry for your infant loss. Thank you for being willing to share your baby boy’s story and help others understand a little of what it is like to be a bereaved parent. What’s your son’s name?
Nathan Christopher. Nathan because we liked the name. And Christopher in honor of my mother-in-law’s stillborn son she had before she had my husband. We had this name picked out before we knew our baby was going to die.
Could you tell us what happened?
We never knew why, but my water broke at 16 weeks gestation. We were offered an abortion, but we refused because we knew God was in control no matter what happened. Our baby boy stayed inside and continued growing until 24 weeks. I went into labor, and after 5 hours of contractions gave birth to a little 1 lb 3 oz baby boy. Because of the lack of amniotic fluid in my womb (because I had a leak), his lungs didn’t develop properly. We believe this is why he didn’t make it. Life was just too much for him. He lived for 10 hours exactly.
Did the loss of Nolan affect having more children?
Since Nolan, we have had 2 girls and I am currently 29 weeks pregnant with another baby boy. No complications with any of these pregnancies. I don’t believe having ore children has affected my grieving of our first child, but because of our loss, I definitely cherish my other children more.
What do you say when people inquire about how many children you have?
I find it hard to answer this question at times. It depends on who I am talking to, and the nature of the conversation. If we are talking about my pregnancy I answer, “This is my fourth pregnancy.” If we are talking about how many children, I answer “I have two children and am currently pregnant.”
I have no intention of pushing my first son to the side, but I am trying to be sensitive of other people. Some don’t know how to respond if you say you have lost a child. But I have no issues talking about my story or about my son.
I know what you mean. It’s one of those questions that people who haven’t lost a child will answer without thinking, but parents who have take the person asking into consideration. What about your faith? Did things make you question it?
I never questioned God’s plan. My faith has grown stronger. Of course we never want anything “bad” to happen to us, but it helps us to be able to help others when they go through similar things.
I love that perspective! Oftentimes, it’s being a support to others that helps us in our own grief journey. Were or are you affected by any specific triggers?
After the death of my baby, I ended up working in the nursery of a daycare. I would find myself tearing up sometimes (happy tears for the babies, sad tears for me) watching the babies interact and grow/learn. When I watch TV or videos of others grieving the loss of a loved one, I get emotional because I know the pain.
That shows your amazing empathy. Thank you so much for sharing about what you’ve been through and telling us about your Nolan Christopher. Is there anything else you would like others to know about your loss?
There is hope and joy waiting for you at the end of this season. Don’t let it hold you back from having more children. All children, no matter how long they are with us, are a blessing. I love that I was able to hold and be with my baby before he passed away. You can be an encouragement to others who are facing similar situations.
Amanda Padgett writes about Jesus and her family at Diary of a Forgiven.
I hope this gives a glimpse into the lives of bereaved parents for those who do not know what it’s like. My wish is that this will encourage others to be more understanding, but also empower those who have been suffering through their grief in silence. Have you experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss and want to tell your story? Contact me at Sarah@SincerelyAnchored.com